Your partner has just discovered that she is pregnant. She’s looking for a solution, but where do you fit in?
You may be thinking:
- Our relationship is unstable.
- I don’t want to be tied down.
- I need to finish school.
- I’m not sure I’d be a good parent.
- I don’t have a job.
- What will my friends and family think?
- She won’t listen to me.
- I wish there was more I could do.
- I don’t want her to make this decision without me.
You may be asking:
- What are my rights?
- What if my girlfriend and I don’t agree?
- How will her decision affect me?
- How will my girlfriend react to an abortion?
Whatever your concerns, it is important that you take time to consider your options of parenting, adoption and abortion.
At First Step we believe that you are a very important part of this decision. Please contact us by phone or e-mail to discuss your concerns.
Supporting your partner…
It can be very difficult for men to discuss an unexpected pregnancy. It’s important that you tell her honestly what you’re thinking. She might think she knows, but if you don’t tell her she’ll only be guessing.
Some men are relieved that they don’t have to make the final decision, and so they may say to their partner, “I’ll support you no matter what you decide.” While this may sound good, it really is placing all the responsibility on the woman’s shoulders.
It is important that you both discuss the issue calmly and respect each other’s opinions. This is an emotional time, so be prepared for her to change her mind regularly as she considers all the options.
What if you disagree?
Many men experiencing an unexpected pregnancy can feel very isolated from the decision-making process, as it can seem that ultimately the decision lies with the woman. Perhaps your partner has made a decision that she believes is right for her life, but you feel is totally wrong for your life.
If your partner has a baby when you want her to have an abortion, you will still have responsibilities regarding the baby. Or if your partner has an abortion when you would like her to have the baby, you can feel a great sense of grief and loss.
The sense of being out of control can be very frustrating and can lead to serious difficulties in your relationship. Often talking to an independent person such as a support worker at First Step can help. Here a prospective dad has a safe and confidential environment to express his concerns and wishes to his partner.